


Superpowers Kinda Suck Ass

by FLWR801



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/F, F/M, Kenny dies a lot, M/M, Multi, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, cartman can rot in hell, gay and sad, kenny isnt the only death, rebrandings, so can tweeks parents, these kids are dumbasses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-03-25 10:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13832727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FLWR801/pseuds/FLWR801
Summary: After something in Stark's Pond gets to the kids, things take a turn for the worse quickly.





	1. A Lot Of Invitations

“Babe, babe. Your house is boring as shit.” Wendy muttered, flopped onto Bebe’s bed. “I told you, Wends, when you call me babe I can’t tell if you’re calling me babe or saying my name. Save babe for Heidi.” The blonde haired girl muttered, jestering over to the skinny brunette on the other side of the bed. 

“We could drive around in your car and blast fergalicious again.” Heidi suggested, causing Wendy to look up. “Speaking of driving around, I gotta deliver cards for that swimming party. Sure you guys can’t come?” Bebe stood up, fixing up her bedhead hair. “Sorry Wends, my family’s going up to my uncle’s.” Heidi bounced off the bed and got her hat, flattening her hair then slipping it on. “I gotta cram for my chemistry test this weekend. Chem’s an ass.” She mumbled, slipping on a jacket.

Wendy finally rolled off the comfy bed and got ready. “Let’s go. Bebe, take the jeep. It’s got better speakers.” Bebe twirled jeweled red keys on her index finger, smirking. “Let’s go babes.” The three stepped out of the Stevens’ household with linked arms. Bebe hopped into the drivers with Wendy in the middle and Heidi on her right. The blonde started up her playlist, the music blasting from her reddish pink jeep. “Where to first babe?”

“Well, I’m inviting all the guys. So Craig’s gang, Stan’s gang, Butters, and Scott. Scott’s always at home after school, Craig’s gang goes to Tweek’s, and Butters goes to Kenny’s. Who knows where the three stooges are.” Wendy finished. “Probably out exploiting another poor person.” Heidi muttered. Bebe revved the engine. “To Scott’s!” She wheeled out of the driveway while sing yelling along to Hollaback Girl.

After about five minutes of avoiding stop signs and blasting music, the girls arrived at the Malkinson residence. They hopped out of the jeep as it still blasted music. Wendy knocked on the door. “Yo! Scott!” The door swung open a minute later. “What’th up guyth?”

Even as he got older, the poor kid kept that lisp. Other than that, he had it going on. Scott had gotten tall, not Craig tall, but tall. His green eyes always popped with his darkened hair and pale skin. He was basically a hit with anyone who wasn’t hella gay, so not many girls.

“I’m takin some dudes out to Stark’s Pond tomorrow. You game?” Wendy leaned onto Bebe, who wrapped an arm around her. Scott’s face lit up. “Thure! What time?” “One thirty, see ya then Scott. And bring a snack or some shit.” The girls started walking back to the car as Scott gave a two finger salute. “Got it! Thee ya tomorrow!”

Bebe started blaring a COIN song as she practically flew to Tweak Bro’s. The girlfriends popped out of the car and walked in. “Yo! Useless homosexuals! We need ya!” Bebe yelled. Craig’s head popped out from the back room as he eyed her. “You’re really gonna call us useless homosexuals as you hold both of your girlfriends.” He said. Bebe looked at her arms. “Well played, Tucker.”

Craig walked out of the back room, Tweek close behind. Craig was tall, at least 6’2, and was pretty well built with a chiseled face and brown eyes. He looked like a typical bad boy in contrast with his aesthetic boyfriend. Tweek was almost a foot shorter than his boyfriend, looking too skinny for his own good.

A shorter brown haired brown eyed boy popped out of the back room. “Hey ladies! What’s up? Token, Jimmy, hurry your asses up! We have guests.” A darker skinned boy shuffled out of the room, running a hand threw his shorter hair. “Clyde, shut up for once.” A taller boy with crutches walked in, elbowing the door closed. “Clyde, one day I’m gonna have Craig d-d-duct tape your mouth so you f-f-fuh-finally shut the fuck up.”

Tweek walked behind the counter. “Hey g-guys, can I,ngh, get you anything?” Wendy shook her head. “Nah, tomorrow I’m taking some dudes out to Stark’s Pond. Wanted to see if you all are down.” Clyde made a celebratory motion. “I’m so down!” Token shrugged. “Sure. Got nothing else to do.” Jimmy nodded. “Can’t exactly swim, but s-sh-sure.” Craig shrugged. “Sure. Babe?” Tweek poured a bit of coffee. “S-sure. I’ll make cupcakes. Red velvet’s your, ghh, favorite, right?” Craig leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Yep.” Clyde sighed. “Get a fuckin’ room.”

Heidi looked up from her phone. “Let’s go. We got more stops and I wanna catch Top Model.” Wendy waved. “One thirty. See ya guys then.” They all either nodded or waved, then went back to their own conversations of whatever the fuck.

Bebe revved up the engine. “To Kenny’s!” Heidi yawned, leaning onto her girlfriend. “I hope Karen’s there. She’s so sweet.” Wendy nodded, holding Heidi. “I do her hair sometimes. Such a nice kid, which is weird considering her family.” Bebe pulled up soon after, barely missing a trash can.

Wendy knocked on the door, Kenny answering it. “Oh, hey guys.” Butters gave a small wave from the couch, rubbing his scarred eye with his sleeve. “Heya ladies!” Wendy sighed. “I’ve said this so many times, so imma cut to the chase. Stark’s Pond tomorrow at one thirty. Game?” Butters walked up. “I think my parents would be okay with it, long as we’re not out too long.” 

Kenny gave a small shrug, barely noticeable in his giant ass hoodie. “Sure, sounds lit.” Bebe sighed. “Kenny let lit die already.” “Lit dies when I say lit dies.” Heidi rolled her eyes. “Can we go before he starts fuckin dabbing?” Kenny took a deep breath and dabbed so low his elbow almost touched the ground. “I regret all actions leading up to this.” Kenny dusted himself off. “Leo, I’ll pick ya up around one, kay?” Butters smiled. “Gee, Ken, thanks! My parents will be happy not to drive me, and it’d be uncomfortable to bike in a swimsuit.” Wendy smiled softly. “See ya guys tomorrow.” Butters gave a small wave. “Bye gals!” Kenny gave a small salute. “See ya fam.” Bebe screeched from the car. “GOD DAMNIT MCCORMICK!”

Bebe drove to the subdivision of Kyle, Stan, and Cartman. Heidi held onto Wendy. “Let’s hurry. Less time around Eric the better.” Bebe looked over. “Remember babe, say the word and I’ll beat his ass.” Wendy saw the cars at Kyle’s. “Kyle’s. Let’s hurry up with this.” They hopped out of the car and knocked on the door.

Kyle and Cartman opened the door. “Hey guys.” Kyle waved. Cartman rolled his eyes. “What the fuck do you guys want?” Wendy sighed. “Stark’s Pond. One thirty tomorrow. Down?” Kyle looked over his shoulder. “Stan!” Stan peeked over from the couch. “What?” “Wanna stay over tonight then go to Stark’s Pond tomorrow.” Kyle suggested. Stan shrugged. “Sure. Got nothing better to do.” Cartman rolled his eyes. “Fuckin’ fags.” Kyle glared. “Shut the fuck up, fatass!” Cartman glared back. “You shut up you Jew!” Heidi sighed from next to Wendy. “God, you guys are dumbasses.” Cartman cleared his throat. “Heidi, didn’t see ya there.” She quickly flipped him off. “Fuck off.” Wendy started walking off. “Look, show or not, we got shit to do. See ya guys.” 

They walked into Bebe’s jeep. Bebe drove back to her house. “We don’t have shit to do though.” Wendy smirked. “Yeah we do. We gotta watch Top Model, make out, and snuggle.” Heidi smiled. “That’s important top priority shit.”


	2. A Party and a Floating Laptop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the party, something odd happens with Wendy.

Wendy woke up late, popping up and stretching. She quickly cleaned herself up and put on a swimsuit with a coverup. “Hey, mom! I’m going to Stark’s!” Her mom responded quickly. “Okay, sweet pea! Don’t stay out too late!” Wendy smiled and grabbed the keys. “I won’t! Love ya!” She opened the door and drove off to Stark’s Pond. 

By the time she got there, Craig’s gang and Scott were already there. It didn’t seem like they were there for too long though. Scott was helping Jimmy get into the water, holding him up while his crutches were perched on a tree nearby. Craig and Tweek were leaning on the dock chatting and eating red velvet cupcakes. Token was pulling some pool floaties out of his car, while Clyde had already put one into the pond, chiling on it with a cupcake.

“Hey guys!” Wendy waved, slipping on some shades and putting her hair up. Scott perked up and gave a small wave as Jimmy slid into the water. “Hey Wendy! Jutht you coming?” She nodded. “Yeah, my girlfriends are both super busy. Shame.” She walked over to Token. “Need any help?” She said just as Token closed the trunk. “Just got ‘em all out. You can help me throw them in though.”  
Wendy helped throw in the pool floaties, then hopped on one herself. About ten minutes later a beat up pickup truck drove up. Kenny hopped out first. “Yo! I brought the others!” Butters got out of the passenger side, stretching out. “I brought some sandwiches!” Kyle and Stan slid out of the left side, throwing their hats into the car. “Stan, you can stay over again tonight if ya want. My parents couldn’t care less.” He shrugged while hopping into the pond. “I don’t have to. Dad’ll get pissed if I don’t come home after too long.”

Cartman finally got out. “Wendy, where’s your girlfriends?!” Wendy sighed, looking up from her pool floatie. “Busy. We’re not around each other all the time.” Craig looked up. “You are around each other all the time.” Wendy rolled her eyes. “You’re one to talk bitch.”

Six hours later, Clyde was drunkenly playing Gucci Gang on top of a donut pool floatie, Craig and Tweek were making out in the back of Kenny’s pick up, and Wendy was regretting decisions up to this point. Butters looked at the time. “Aw geez, guys! I gotta get home in twenty minutes!” Kenny grabbed a towel and dried himself off. “I’ll get ya there in ten, Leo. Gays, get out of my car.” Tweek pulled himself off of Craig. “Babe, can we go back to your place and watch something?” Craig nodded. “Yeah, I should have some of the good coffee at my house.” Jimmy looked over, filling in for the drunk ass Clyde. “G-g-get a room, damnit.” Token sighed. “Jimmy, Clyde’s not here we should’ve let it die.” “Never. It’s a sign of r-r-re-res-respect. Scott, can ya grab my c-crutches?”

Wendy stood up. “Thanks for coming guys. I had fun. We should do this again sometime.” She yawned. “My girlfriend’s coming back tomorrow, so I gotta get up early.” Clyde looked over. “Why you getting up early to fuck?” Wendy just sighed and glared at him. “I hope you drown in the goddamn pond.” Clyde smiled. “Love you too, Wendy!” The groups slowly started disbanding, Wendy driving back to her house. She quickly dried off, then got into bed, exhausted by the day.

Wendy woke up to the incessant ringing of a chirpy love song. She recognized the ringtone as Bebe’s, but was too tired and a little hungover to grab it. “God...Bebe..”. The dark haired girl reached over towards her phone barely, not putting too much effort into grabbing it. She felt a small bump plop onto her bed, reaching over to pet what she assumed was her cat. What she didn’t expect was to find her phone there.

Wendy sat up. “Okay..is anyone in here..?” She looked around for someone, not finding anyone. “Well I didn’t grab it..”. She answered the phone. “Hey dear.” Bebe’s chirpy voice responded. “Hey hey, babe! How was it? Everyone behave?” Wendy laughed. “I wouldn’t say behaved, but it was nice. It’s been a while since we all hung out. You and Heidi gotta come next time.” “Okay babe, can I come over, I’ll grab Heidi.” 

The black haired girl nodded. “Yeah, I gotta do a bit of work for the school paper, but I know you two would love to help with that.” She stood up, getting dressed quickly. Wendy reached to grab her laptop, it unplugging itself and moving to her bed. Wendy screamed, Bebe stopping her story about her uncle. “Babe, babe?! Are you alright?!” 

Wendy couldn’t stop stuttering, looking frantically from her desk to her bed, where the laptop sat. “I-uh-how-AHHH! My computer flew over to my bed!” Bebe paused. “I’m grabbing Heidi. Be there in five.” The line went dead as Wendy touched the computer, feeling that it was actually there. “Oh my...oh my god! Jesus!”

Not soon after, Wendy’s girlfriends burst threw the door. “Okay, okay babe. Calm down. What happened?” Bebe sat her down on her bed. “My-my computer unplugged itself! And-and it flew over here!” She pointed wildly to her laptop. Heidi held her. “Dear, you sure you didn’t drink too much?” Wendy held onto them. “I sound crazy, but I swear! My phone did the same thing when Bebe called!” Bebe took a deep breath, holding her girlfriend. “Okay, okay. Let’s see what’s going on. I’m gonna go plug your computer back up, and you bring it back. We’ll see what’s up.” 

Bebe slowly put the computer back, plugging it in. Her girlfriend was clearly still drunk as fuck. Wendy slowly walked up to the computer, going to unplug it. Before she could touch it, the laptop unplugged itself and glided into Bebe’s lap. The trio stared at the laptop for a minute, then screamed. “JESUS WHAT THE FUCK?!” Heidi shuffled away from the laptop. Bebe quickly tossed it out of her lap. “Wait!” Wendy reached out a hand to grab the laptop, it instead floating mid air. 

“Okay...this has been the weirdest two minutes of my   
life..”. Bebe muttered, staring at the floating laptop. “Wendy, are you doing that..?” Heidi poked at the computer. Wendy moved her finger, the laptop moving with it. She slowly set it on the bed. “Holy shit..”. Wendy stared. Heidi immediately jumped up. “What else can you do? I mean, this is new, you should figure out what you’re working with.” Wendy slowly floated her phone into her hand, opening it. As soon as she opened it, she was showed a giant array of data. “Holy fuck.” 

Bebe and Heidi looked over her shoulder. “What? It’s just a home screen.” Heidi said. Wendy looked over at her. “No, no. I- I could see what all the technology in the neighborhood was doing. Like the Marsh’s tv is on, and Kenny’s on his phone, and one of the tv’s at the Tucker’s is on.”   
Bebe stared. “Babe. Drive my car.” Wendy turned to her. “What?” “Drive my car with your cool techno powers!” Bebe pushed her gently towards the window, seeing Bebe’s jeep in the driveway. Wendy put her hand out, the engine roaring to life. She slowly backed it out of the driveway then back in. “Oh my god! I can drive cars with my fuckin mind!” Wendy smiled at her girlfriends. “This is incredible. I can control technology, I can help so many people! But..that’s a lot. Can you guys help?”

Heidi held onto her girlfriend. “Of course! Anything to help my superhero girlfriend! Oh! You’re gonna need an outfit, and a secret identity.” Bebe perked up. “And if we’re helping, we need secret identities too. And costumes.” Wendy smiled, laughing a bit. “Well, guess we’re going to have to get some fabrics.” “Hope you can control a sewing machine, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM GONNA CHANGE THE NAME AND SUMMARY OF THIS SO LIKE YOU WAIT FAM
> 
> anyways if yall ever wanna talk im on instagram as @lonelylesbianspizza and tumblr as @danganendme


	3. Power Tools, A Coffee Flavored Popsicle, Chaos, and A Middle Finger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek, Stan, Butters, and Craig's days after the party

The morning after the party, Tweek woke up snuggled next to Craig in the ladder’s room. “Morning, honey.” Craig rolled over. “Morning babe. You find something for us to watch. I’ll get you some coffee.” Tweek gave him a small kiss, a small shock between them. “Fuckin static.” Craig muttered. “I’ll be right back babe.” He slid out of the covers and downstairs, Tweek hopping out. A little bit of static shocked him from the covers. “Shit, that, ngh, stings.” 

Tweek turned on the tv and channel surfed. Craig came back a minute later holding a cup of coffee. “Here ya go babe. Two sugars just like you like it.” Tweek took the cup into his hands. As soon as it was in his hands it started to freeze over. Within five seconds you couldn’t even tell it was a coffee cup. The blonde dropped the cup and backed up against the wall, trying to get away from whatever the fuck it was he just did.

Craig stared at the cup, then turned to his boyfriend, who’s fingertips had the smallest amount of electricity sparking from them. “Tweek..”. Tweek backed away further. “Nononono! D-don’t come closer! God, I’m gonna, ghh, hurt you th-then i’ll be taken to a government lab and dissected and-.”. Craig grabbed onto Tweek’s shoulders. “Babe, breathe. Hang on a minute.” The taller of the two stood up, and shuffled around in his closet. A moment later he came out with a blanket and some blue gloves. He grabbed Stripe #5 from her cage and brought her over to the bed. Tweek slipped on the gloves as Craig wrapped the blanket around him.

“Okay babe, take your time, but what the fuck just happened?” Craig set Stripe in his boyfriend’s lap, the guinea pig instantly cuddling up. Tweek slowly pet him. “I, gnh, I don’t know. I just kept feeling shocks everywhere and then i fr-froze a coffee cup and there’s electricity from my hands!” Craig stared for a minute, petting Stripe. “Can you, try it? Like see if you can control it.” Tweek slowly nodded. “Let’s go somewhere where it’ll be okay if I break shit.”

A quick car ride later and the two made it to the abandoned buildings/junkyard of the town. Craig made a makeshift target practice out of cardboard and plastic. He quickly stepped out of the way, looking up from the top steps. “Okay, can you freeze one of the things?” Tweek slipped the blue gloves off. “I can try.” He walked up to a small cardboard dummy and slowly touched it. It froze over quickly. The second he pulled his hand away it started retracting. 

Craig stared in awe. “What about that static shit?” Tweek took a deep breath and stuck is hand out, lightning coming from it. “Woah!” The dummies were fried now. Tweek moved his hand again, a bit of rain coming from it. Craig ran up. “Oh my god my boyfriend’s a superhero. I’m so in love.” The smaller laughed. “Love you too dork. But I’m not doing jack shit with these powers. Right now I just wanna go lie down.” Craig lifted his boyfriend up, carrying him back to the car as Tweek mock protested.

At the Marsh residence, Stan woke up to his dad yelling. “Stan! Finish up that table. We need somewhere to eat!” Stan rolled out of bed, not bothering to change clothes. He quickly walked out to the garage, seeing the half finished dining room table he had been making. Stan grabbed the screws and drill, turning on the drill. A giant drill formed out of it, the black haired boy instantly throwing the drill on the ground. “What the fuck?”

Stan looked around, grabbing the drill and taking it to the backyard. He pointed the drill down and pressed the power button. It quickly drilled a good size hole into the ground. “Oh my god. How the hell is this happening?” Stan rushed back to the garage, grabbing screwdrivers and a nail gun. He rushed to the backyard, setting up planks of wood. Stan thrust a screwdriver in the direction of the beam. It stretched out in almost a vision like screwdriver, breaking the plank. Stan shot at the plank with the nail gun, the plank flying back onto the fence at the impact of the nail. Stan looked at everything around him. “Holy fuck. I-I can’t let anyone know about this. This is..this is dangerous shit. I..should keep some screwdrivers on me though. Just in case.”

Butters flopped on his bed, letting his three hamsters run around in his room. He quickly pulled his phone out and opened his messages app.

ButtersStotch: Sorry Ken, can’t hang out today. Grounded :(

KennyMcwhoremick: oh shit sorry man. tomorrow?

ButtersStotch: I don’t know. Dad’s pretty upset.

KennyMcwhoremick: what happened?

ButtersStotch: He got mad because I got a 90 on my test.

KennyMcwhoremick: hes a dumbass. Ill call ya later, Leo. gotta take karen to get her hair cut

ButtersStotch: See ya later Ken! :)

The blonde set his phone down, a few tiny zaps of blue lightning coming from the phone. He shook his hand, biting his cheek. “Damn. That hurt..”. He was quickly snapped out of his thoughts by a loud knock. “Butters! Open the door!” Stephen’s voice rang through the house. Butters quickly sat up. “Aw geez, comin’ Dad!” Butters quickly unlocked the door, his dad standing there with a pissed off look. “Young man, you got an eighty eight on this paper! What do you have to say for yourself?!” Butters stared at the paper. “I-I don’t know, sir! I tried my hardest, I swear!” His dad quickly smacked him, Butters immediately knowing it would bruise. “You’re grounded for the rest of the week!” He slammed the door, stomping down. Butters could hear him muttering how his son was the worst he could ask for.

Butters sighed, getting some cold water, placing it slowly on his cheek. He hissed, the water stinging. “Well, not bleeding! Th-that’s good!” He sniffed. Butters wiped his tears. “No, no. He’s not worth getting upset about. Dad and Mom and Cartman and Kyle and Stan and all of them! They aren’t worth it!” The blonde yelled to himself, clenching his fists. He felt a crackling, looking down at his fists. He saw more blue lightning coming from his hands. “Huh?” Butters pointed, a thing of lightning shooting at the wall. It sizzled onto his wall, Butters trying it again. “Woah...this is..incredible! But, even if I did good, no one would care. I’m still Butters.” Butters flopped on the bed. “Unless..I don’t do good. I do something everyone would remember, for better or worse! I spread disorder and...and chaos!” He laughed. “No one’s gonna treat me like this again!”

The next day Craig was sitting with Clyde, not really doing anything. “So, how hungover were you last night?” Craig asked, still texting on his phone. Clyde yawned. “So fuckin’ hungover. I think I blacked out.” The taller one smirked. “That’s what you get for playing Gucci Gang.” Clyde shrugged. “Sue me, it was boppin.” Clyde leaned over to see Craig texting Tweek. “So, ya’ll bang while you were drunk?” Craig flipped him off, Clyde flying back to the wall. “Shit!” Clyde looked up, not seeing his friend in sight. “Craig?”

Craig meanwhile, had run out of the house, instantly speed dialing Tweek. His boyfriend picked up quickly. “H-hey, dear! Guess what, I just, ngh, learned how to make myself float using-.” “Babe, I hate to cut you off, but I flipped Clyde off, and he just flew back.” Tweek paused. “Shit..Come over to m-mine. I’ll fix hot chocolate. Don’t do anything crazy.” The line dropped, Craig knowing Tweek went to fix hot chocolate.

Craig sighed. “Fuck!” He punched the street light night to him, it almost breaking in half. “Shit shit shit!” Craig ran over to Tweak Bro’s, slamming the door open. Tweek stood at the counter, holding hot chocolate. “C-calm down, babe.” Craig slipped off his hat, slipping the hot cocoa. “I broke a street lamp.” Tweek stared. “Wh-what..?” “I punched a street lamp and it broke and I ran.” The smaller sighed. “Look look, it’s okay. You re-remember how freaked out I was when I, ngh, got mine. But it’s okay. I’m okay. We’re gonna be okay, dear.” Tweek wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, Craig reciprocating the hug.

“Hey babe?” Craig asked. “Mm?” “When was the last time your parent came over?” Tweek hummed in thought. “Yesterday to manage supplies. Not for long though, and it was just Dad.” Craig sighed. “C’mon babe, pack up. You can stay at mine for as long as you want.” Tweek smiled and kissed him softly. “Thanks, Craig.” As the two walked back to Tweek’s room, Craig turned to his boyfriend. “By the way, what were you telling me about floating?” The blonde smiled. “O-oh yeah! Look!” Tweek let out a little bit of snow, using the wind to make himself float. He made himself float to where he was taller than Craig. “Finally, I’m not the shortest!” He bumped his head on the ceiling a few seconds later. “Shit!” Craig laughed, pulling Tweek down. “Alright babe, alright, we’re gonna be late for dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try and update as frequently as possible fam squad also im sorry for not much Stan in this chapter but he'll be in the story a lot so don't worry


	4. Floating Redheads, Broken Arms, Small Carpet Fires, and Friendly Bugs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR KENNY DEATH. Not too graphic but self inflicted so like heads up buttercups

The day after the party, Kyle and Kenny sat in Kyle’s room, playing a round of a dollar store co op game Kyle had picked up. Both were staring at the screen intensely, the blonde fidgeting in place as Kyle furrowed his brow. “Fuck!” The taller of the two slammed his hat down, holding his head in his palm. “Ken, start another round. We’re not fuckin’ losing again.” Kenny nodded and started it up again, the two instantly going back into concentration. Kenny snuck a glance over to Kyle, seeing his face scrunched up in thought again. The two played for a few more minutes, Kenny eventually sneaking a glance to see Kyle looking slightly taller. The blonde brushed it off, Kyle being only slightly shorter than Craig. Kenny hopped out of his thoughts and back into the game.

Kenny’s curiosity got the best of him as he glanced over to his friend once again, seeing he had gotten taller. Kenny lowered his eyes to see Kyle wasn’t touching the couch. “Uhhh..”. He started. Kyle hissed. “Dude, focus! We’re losing!” Kenny just stared as his friend started floating up more and more. “Um, Kyle.” “Kenny it can wait man! C’mon!” The blonde gritted his teeth. “KYLE!” Kyle turned to him. “Jesus Christ, what, Kenny?!” Kenny gestured to the couch. “You’re fuckin’ floating!”

Kyle quickly looked down, immediately falling down after realizing he was mid air. The game flashed a “DEFEAT” sign onto the screen, the two not even looking. “Oh my god..Oh my god I was in the air!” Kenny held out his arms. “Dude dude dude calm down! Look you’re okay! Has that..ever happened before?” The taller stared at him with an unreadable expression. “What the fuck do you think Kenny?!” “Sorry stupid question! Could you float again?” Kenny helped his friend up, Kyle running a hand through his hair. “Sure, sure. I’ll try.” He closed his eyes, feeling his feet lift off the floor. “Woah!” He looked down, moving around in the air. “This is amazing!” Kenny quickly opened Kyle’s window. “Okay, grab me and let’s go on the roof.” The taller rolled his eyes but still picked up his friend, taking a minute, then flying through the window.

“Dude, my eyes are killin’ me.” Kyle muttered. Kenny shrugged in his arms. “Mine do that sometimes. Just blink a bit and it might go away.” Kyle did as told, opening his eyes about five seconds later. A white green laser shot out of his eyes, lighting a bit of grass on fire. “Shit!” In his shock, Kyle dropped Kenny, the impact of him falling blowing out the fire. “Kenny!” Kyle quickly flew down, seeing his friend’s bone snapped. “Jesus Christ man, I-I’m so sorry. I’ll get you to a hospital!” Kenny wiped a stray tear off of his face with his right hand. “Hey, i-it’s okay, Kyle. I would’ve d-d-one the same if I suddenly fired lasers. That’s sick, by the w-ay.” Kenny felt something other than pain in his left arm, turning to it. He saw his bones snapping themselves back into place, everything healing up right there. “Holy shit! What the fuck?!” 

Kyle and Kenny stared at each other, then at Kenny’s arm, then at each other. “Drop me again.” Kenny said. “I’m sorry what?” “No dude, we gotta test this. Like your thing. We gotta see what happens.” Kyle sighed, picking up his friend and going up higher. “Please be okay..”. He let go, Kenny quickly falling. He landed on the sidewalk, his neck snapping among other bones. “Oh my god! I killed my friend! I’m gonna go to jail! I’m never gonna talk to Kenny again!” He started hearing bones snapping into place, Kenny sitting up after a minute and shaking his head. “Jesus Christ. You got a gun?” Kyle held his hands out. “Oh fuck no! I just saw you dead! You were dead and you’re gonna try and die again?! Aren’t you scared that you’ll actually die?!” Kenny pushed himself up and shrugged. “A bit, but I just snapped my neck and came back to life, so I’m not really too nervous.”

The taller lead Kenny to a pistol locked in his house. “I swear to God if you die from this I’m going to kick your ass in Heaven.” Kenny grabbed the gun. “Kyle, you and I both know I’m going straight to Hell.” He put the gun to his head, took a deep sigh, then pulled the trigger. He quickly fell over, Kyle looking away, quietly muttering. A minute later Kenny was back up. “Jesus, I think the bullet’s still in there. That’s a conversation starter.” Kyle quickly hugged Kenny. “Holy fuck dude! Don’t do that again! Look, this shit is cool and all but we can’t do anything with it. Just because you can’t die doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like shit.” Kenny hugged back after a minute. “Got it. But I think not dying will be helpful. It’s pretty cool.”

Jimmy woke up the day after the party, hungover as all shit. He quickly leaned over and tried to reach for his crutch. As soon as he got it, he used it to prop himself out of bed to get the other crutch, not feeling like he had to use to much strength this morning. Jimmy’s hand slipped, the second crutch falling onto the floor. “Shit..”. He propped himself up on one crutch, letting his legs fall to the ground. He bent down to pick up the crutch, wrapping his legs around the foot of his bed to keep balance. It took Jimmy a hot minute to realize that he had wrapped his legs around his bed. The brown haired boy quickly pushed himself up using his crutch, letting his feet touch the ground. He quickly tried to push himself up using his feet, the strength slowly returning. Jimmy stood up on his feet, staring at his legs in amazement. “Holy sh-shit.”

He quickly started moving, taking a second to get steady, then walked. Starting slowly, then gaining a good pace as he walked in a small circle. He slowly started walking faster and faster, gaining pretty good speeds. Jimmy went as fast as he possibly could, stopping when he smelled smoke. He looked down to see the circle he had walked in had caught on fire a bit. “Fuck!” He quickly stomped the fire out, sighing as it stopped. “I-I caused a fire..wh-wh-whi-while running on legs that h-ha-have been paralysed my entire life. I can’t tell p-pe-people. I’ll never see the l-light of day again.” Jimmy sighed and grabbed his crutches, going back to try and forget about everything that had happened in the short five minutes he’d been awake.

The next day, Clyde slowly stood up after some force pushed him straight into a wall. He looked around for his friend to no avail. “Craig? Dude? Did you see that or am I still drunk?” He shrugged, stepping outside. The second he went out, mosquitoes started swarming towards him. He kept swatting them away, most of them leaving, but one persistent bug staying put. “Oh, fuck off.” Clyde said to the mosquito. The mosquito quickly flew off to Clyde’s surprised. “Wait wait, come back!” The mosquito flew back, Clyde going wide eyed. “Holy shit! Okay, mosquito friend! You know where more bugs are? Can ya take me to ‘em?” The mosquito buzzed, circling Clyde then flying over to a tree.

Clyde ran towards the mosquito, ignoring the dull pain in his back. “Okay, thanks man!” He saw a wasp nest. “Dude, this is kinda risky. I should name you though if you’re gonna be my mosquito friend. How about...Jonathan?” The mosquito buzzed. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Clyde cleared his throat. “Hello? Are any wasps here? I’d like to talk.” A wasp buzzed, flying out and flying towards Clyde. “Dude dude chill! Just wanna chat!” The wasp slowly stopped, buzzing around Clyde. “Okay, we should set up a communication chart. One buzz for yes, two for no. Got it?” The wasp let out a small buzz. “Sweet. So you can understand me?” One buzz. “Can you understand anyone?” Two buzzes. “Just me?!” One buzz. “Woah, okay. And, you’ll do what I say?” One buzz. “Why? Wait shit, you can’t talk. Okay, thanks for the chat. I’ll see ya tomorrow?” One buzz. “Thanks, man. Jonathan, let’s go back to my place. See ya later wasp.”

The wasp quickly flew into his nest, Jonathan following behind Clyde. Clyde rubbed his back. “Shit, that stings.” The two went back to Clyde’s house, Clyde rubbing his back the entire way. When they finally got to Clyde’s bedroom, he took off his shirt to check his back. When he looked in the mirror, he was surprised to see insect wings had sprouted out of his back. “Woah..”. He focused, making himself fly up using them. “Bitchin! Jonathan, you and I are gonna go places. Just wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS YA BOIS BIRTHDAY. and yeah we're stuck in intro hell but i S W E A R we finna get out of it.


	5. Just This Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Token and Scott's origins, and an unexpected event.

The Sunday after the party, Token sat in his room, playing a round of Overwatch on Xbox, getting a little too into it. As he kept button mashing, the A button broke down. Token sighed, turning off the console and putting the controller on his desk. “I gotta have something here that can fix it.” As he shuffled through his desk, he couldn’t find anything that would be able to fix it. “Shit, I’m gonna have to order a new one.”

Token put his hands on the controller, examining it a bit more. As he looked at it, blue cubes seemed to form around the broken A button. As they cleared in a second or two, the button was repaired. “Okay, um…”. Token stared, not sure what to say. “That’s new..”. He poked at the button, eventually getting some scissors and stabbing all the buttons. He touched the controller again, staring as the cubes came back and fixed up the buttons.

“How the fuck..?” Token moved the controller to the side, looking at his own hand. He stretched his own fingers, watching as small cubes came out of his fingertips, looking like they were trying to form something. Token thought, looking at the controller. A few seconds later, he felt a plop in his hands. As he looked down, he saw another controller. “Holy fuck.” He let the cubes come out again, making a small pencil. “I’m like a...a human 3D printer. This could actually be useful.”

At Scott’s house, he had just woke up. He hadn’t gotten drunk or anything, alcohol not being his thing. He slowly sat up, not messing with his bedhead. He hopped out of bed and walked downstairs. “Morning mom!” Scott half waved to her. “Hey dear! I’m just about to head to work, so you’re on your own for today. Love ya! Stay safe!” His mom walked out quickly, Scott sighing. 

“Bye mom.” He muttered to himself. “Okay, houthe to mythelf today. What to do what to do?” Scott opened the fridge, making small noises as he thought. “Ooh, Coke Zero.” He grabbed the small can, popping it open. As he popped it open, the side broke off with the metal tab. Scott blinked a few times, staring at the can. “That doethn’t uthually happen. Good thing we got another!” He threw the busted can away, grabbing another Coke Zero.

He popped open the tab, the entire can breaking out of the force. “Thit! How the hell doeth thith keep happening?!” He crushed the can in anger, the metal breaking even more. “Jethuth Chritht.” Scott opened a drawer, grabbing a spoon. He just squeezed it, the metal breaking in his hands. “Oh my god. Thith ith amathing! Jeeth, I can probably do all thorts of thit!” He ran over to the couch, dropping the broken spoon. Scott put his hand under the couch, moving his hand up. The couch instantly moved up on the end Scott was holding it. He quickly lifted the couch with both hands. “Holy thit! Thith ith the cooletht!” 

Wendy, Heidi, and Bebe were chilling in Bebe’s room, watching old reruns of reality tv shows. Wendy had wrapped her arms around her girlfriends, yawning. “Hey dears, can we go to bed soon.” Bebe nodded. “Yeah, sure babe. This episode’s almost over anyways.” Heidi stretched out. “Yeah, it’s like twelve am. I was studying all day today and I’m fuckin’ beat.” The tv suddenly stopped it’s drone of angry contestants. “This is South Park breaking news! An armed robbery has started, with reports of up to twenty people. Police tried to apprehend the perpetrators, but there are reports of lightning flying from one of the robbers. If you may know why these people are and how to stop them, please call the number listened below.”

The three girls looked between each other. “A robbery police can’t stop, hm?” Bebe began. “Sounds like a job for three heroes..”. Heidi finished. Wendy nodded. “Get the masks, girls. We’re gonna stop these criminals.” Bebe and Heidi nodded, Bebe going to get the supplies as Heidi got the masks.

~~~  
“-please call the number below.” The tv finished. Tweek looked up at his boyfriend. “Dear, I think we can help there. Just this once.” Craig sighed. “I mean, I don’t want my family going broke, or anyone’s really. I should have some hoodies or some shit in there that can cover our faces.” Tweek nodded, pulling out two dark blue hoodies and slipping on his shoes. “Let’s go, babe.”

~~~  
Stan perked up from bed as he heard the news report. “Just this once..it couldn’t hurt.” He jumped up, slipping on some clothes and yellow safety goggles, pulling up a white hoodie. Stan quickly unlocked his window, climbing out and dashing towards the bank.

~~~

Kyle heard his mom yelling in the living room. “Can you believe it?! The police can’t even protect us! I mean they’re gonna take all the money in the goddamn bank!” Kyle listened. “I mean, I’m already ‘asleep’. Just this once, it can’t hurt to help.” Kyle shuffled through his drawer, pulling out some goggles and a plain teal hoodie. He opened the window after getting dressed, flying out the window.  
~~~  
Kenny watched the news on the house’s tv. “I mean, Kyle wouldn’t get too mad, if it’s just this once.” Kenny quickly fished out a hoodie, writing a note down for Karen. “Went out for a bit with friends. Love ya - Kenny.” Kenny quickly left the note on the table, rushing out of the door and turning into a shadowy mist.

~~~  
Clyde watched as the news interrupted his show. “Jonathan?” The mosquito laying on the tissue bed perked up, buzzing softly. “We got work to do, but just this once.” Clyde hopped up, grabbing a dark blue hoodie. “There’s a bank robbery, and we’re gonna stop it!” He quickly grabbed scissors, cutting two wing holes into the hoodie, then slipping it on with a pair of jeans and some shoes. “Let’s go Jonathan!” The mosquito buzzed excitedly as the two flew out of the house.

~~~  
Jimmy watched the news, half asleep. “Bank robbery..wait. I c-c-can stop that!” Jimmy hopped up, hurriedly grabbing a hoodie then running out of the house in a flash. “Just this once, though. This is d-d-dangerous shit.”

~~~  
Token saw the news alert, thinking for a minute. “I could help, probably. But, only this once! Just this once.” He grabbed a purple hoodie from his closet, opening the window and making stairs to get down. “Let’s go. Can’t hurt..too much.”

~~~  
Scott yawned, waiting for his mom to get home. The tv was mostly a blur, but the words ‘bank robbery’ stood out. “I’m throng enough! I could take thethe criminals down!” He quickly grabbed a yellow hoodie, running out of the door as he pulled the hood up.

~~~  
The robbery continued, three police officers injured, and what seemed to be about thirty people, with the leader wearing a teal hoodie and an eyepatch on his right eye. Soon enough, several hooded kids showed up, though some of them seemed off. Like the fact that one had wings, or one was flying, or two of them had guns. One in a purple mask and black hair in a bun stepped up, looking at everyone. “Well, let’s go! We’re all here for the same reason right?” They all nodded and muttered agreements. The masked person walked in, the ones with guns quickly following. Soon enough they all went in.

“How many of them?” A higher pitched voice in a blue hoodie said. “I heard at least thirty.” One in a yellow hoodie muttered. Soon enough the group found several henchmen, collecting bags of money. “Step away from the money and no one will get hurt.” A purple hooded one said. One of the intruders just pointed a gun to them. The winged one seemed to mutter something to someone, a small buzz being heard.

The group kept a determined stance as the gun was pointed at them. “B, H, legs only.” The purple masked one said. The red and pink ones nodded, aiming their guns. Two of them floated up, one seemed to be sparking with electricity as two others just looked ready to punch. One looked like they tossed nothing, a dart gun popping into their hands.

As a gunshot went off from the robbers, a quick shot of ice froze the bullet in place, inches away from the purple masked one. “Good job babe.” The one next to the ice kid said. The kids quickly went into a fight, bullets, lasers, lightning, fists, darts, and wasps swarming everywhere in the room. They had seemed to form a plan however. Most were weakening the enemies, the masked ones either shooting them in the legs to stop them, or the purple hooded one getting sleep darts into them. A black hooded one kept going into the shadows then reappearing, grabbing money and snatching it away from the captors.

A solid twenty five minutes later, the kids had managed to tie up fifteen of the robbers, slowly walking out. One of the ones in blue, the weather kid, nudged the purple one and asked for a bunch of glasses. The blue one filled it with a sort of rain, handing it to everyone. “H-here. It helps with wounds and shit.” They all muttered thanks, walking out of the bank. “We-we got ‘em.” The teal floating one muttered. “Fifteen of them. We couldn’t find the others.” The black hooded one muttered in a gruff voice. The red masked one nudged the purple masked one. “Yo, babe. Who are these people?” The purple one nodded. “Already tracing their phones to the South Park database.”

The second they got out of the bank, they were swarmed by reporters. “Hello, I think I speak for all of South Park, and maybe even all of Colorado when I ask, who are you all? Will you be keeping our city safe?” They all looked around nervously at each other, the reporter shoving the mic into the face of the person on the left. “Um-I’m-Uh..”. The one in blue stuttered. The other blue one held their hand. “Wonder..Storm. I’m Wonder Storm! Yeah..”. The other one in blue was next. “Superrrrr..Dude. Sure. Super Dude.” The next one was the skinnier of the yellow two. “I’m..F-f-astpass!” The reporter smiled. “Terrific! And you?” She shoved the mic into the pink masked one. “Uh, I’m uh...Befana.” The reporter moved the mic to the purple one, who was engrossed in her phone, tapping furiously. “Lady Wifi.” She looked into the camera and smiled, quickly going back to her work. The red masked one looked into the camera. “Rena Rouge.” She gave an award winning smile before leaning over Lady Wifi’s shoulder.

The reporter looked at the other yellow hooded kid. “Um..I’m..Captain..Colossus!” He seemed to hold something back, smiling to himself. She turned to the black hooded kid. “I’m..Mysteri..on. Mysterion.” “I’m Tool...shed. Toolshed!” The white hoodie kid said. The teal one cleared his throat. “Um..Jetstream!” She turned to the dark blue one with wings. “I’m..Mosquito!” To sell his point, he let out a tiny buzz, the mosquito next to him buzzing as well. The last one, the one in purple, spoke up. “I’m..Mainframe!” The reporter smiled. “There you have it! The heroes of South Park! Stay tuned for more updates on our new vigilantes!” Lady Wifi clicked her tongue. “Got the info. Let’s go girls.” Befana, Lady Wifi, and Rena Rouge quickly exited the premises, the others soon following and returning home


	6. Identities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHOS BACK (back again) I HAVE HAD THE WORST WRITERS BLOCK BUT I PASSED IT HERE WITH A NEW CHAPTER LADS

The second Bebe, Heidi, and Wendy got back to Bebe’s, the blonde ripped her mask off. “Shit, that was hard work. But you guys were amazing! You were like professionals!” Heidi smiled, taking off her pink mask. “You did amazing too! Like, you’re gonna look amazing on the news!” Bebe leaned over to Wendy, taking her mask off. “Who was there dear?” Wendy sighed. “A lot of people, but I finally got the count down to the people next to us. Turns out we’re the only girls.”

Bebe sighed. “You can’t just leave us on that! Spill, spill!” The two girls sat eagerly next to their girlfriend, practically bouncing. “Okay okay, so we got Tweek, Craig, Jimmy, Clyde, Token, Scott, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint who was who, but I can get that in a few minutes.” The two girls stared wide eyed. “Oh my god. Oh my god! We gotta get them all together! Start a superhero league or some shit!” Bebe said. Heidi chimed in. “You’re right! They said one of the robbers had lightning powers. Like a supervillain! And now they have money! And we couldn’t take down a super villain all alone!”

“Guys! I mean, we should get them together, but we can’t use our actual numbers. Then we’re a quick internet search away from being found out.” Wendy noted, working on her phone again. Heidi tsked. “You’re right. We need things like burner phones.” “We’d need things like fabric and sewing machines to make actual costumes.” Bebe started. “And computers we could put in a base. Mainframe probably can make a building, but we’d need things like paint and security systems.” Wendy didn’t look up from her phone, biting her inner cheek. “What about headsets? We’d need to communicate on the field.” Heidi nodded. “Not to mention basic ass shit like plumbing or electricity or water. This is..expensive.”

Bebe smiled. “Never fear, Bebe’s here! My step dad never questions what I spend money on. I don’t think he even checks the bills, he has someone to do that for him.” Wendy nodded, putting her phone away. “Got it. And this sounds like a lot of shopping. Probably an all day thing.” Bebe laid down on the bed. “Guess we’re going shopping soon.” “Honey, tomorrow is Wednesday. We have school.” Heidi sighed. Wendy shrugged. “We can miss one day. Just to get this shit. I’ll make a list on my phone, and we’ll shop until we literally drop tomorrow. Bebe how much room does your jeep have?” “Enough. Wish Red and Nichole could tag along.” Bebe grabbed some spare clothes for Heidi and Wendy. Heidi caught the clothes. “Yeah. But this is official superhero business.” Wendy set her phone down. “By the by, what is that name, babe?” Heidi laughed. “It’s Italian! I just like the sound of it.” Bebe flopped on the bed with her girlfriends. “Better get some sleep, babes. Big day tomorrow.”

Bebe woke up first around six am, grabbing some spare clothes for her girlfriends. Wendy woke up next, slightly nudging Heidi. “Morning babe.” Heidi sighed. “No. Let me sleep.” Bebe tossed clothes next to Heidi. “Not today, darling. Shopping trips. We got a lot to do.” The brunette perked up. “Oh, yeah! I slept on it, and I think we should have everyone admit their identities. I mean, if we can talk about this stuff at not one am, or where we could look out for each other and come up with cover ups. I imagine if this shit continues we might miss some school.” 

Wendy hummed in thought. “When we meet up tonight we’ll reveal identities if everyone’s comfortable with it. They might just wanna make sure they’re safe.” Bebe nodded. “That’s for later. Right now we gotta shop.” Heidi nodded. “Darling, how are we paying for all this shit again?” Bebe had already gotten dressed, wearing her favorite lesbian pride crop top. “I told ya. My step dad doesn’t give two shits what I spend money on. Motherfucker has enough of it that this won’t matter.”

Wendy slipped on her spare clothes. “When was the last time he’s been home anyways?” The blonde shrugged, brushing her hair out. “No idea. Not like I give two shits if he’s here though.” Heidi put her clothes on as well, quickly getting ready. “Bebe, you drivin’?” “Of course I am! I’m the best driver out of us!” She smiled, Wendy and Heidi giving each other a small glance. “Sure, Jan. Let’s go, got a lot to do.” Wendy tossed the keys over to her girlfriend. The three walked down the stairs, knowing both of Bebe’s parents were at work. The blonde hopped into the car, revving the engine. “Off we go!” The three drove off.

When they got home, it was at least eight pm, the three exhausted out of their minds. “Banned from a fuckin’ Walmart. I thought they’d like us buying all their fabrics.” Wendy plopped onto Bebe’s bed, setting up the burner phones. “Yeah, but apparently you’re not supposed to shove all of it into your cart while eating Mcdonald’s. Fuckin’ stupid.” Bebe sat next to her, taking off her jacket. Heidi sighed. “Babe, babe, you can get everyone’s numbers, right?” Wendy nodded. “Yeah. I’ll message everyone, you guys go get to work on decent ass costumes for us. We got a lot of sewing ahead of us.” Bebe and Heidi nodded, picking out some fabrics then getting to work.

Wendy got on her phone, copying the numbers over to the burner phone. She basically made them the same messages, all practically saying “This is Lady Wifi. I need to talk with you right away. Meet me, Rena, and Befana at Stark’s at 12 am. Thanks. PS. You can come in disguise or not. Secret’s safe with me.” Bebe leaned over from the sewing machine. “Babe, that’s so fuckin’ ominous. But like, if they think we know their identities they’ll probably come. Also..”. Bebe held up a tight red, flashy jacket with some tight black paints to go with it. “What do you think? Thrifted ‘em.” I think if I used the mask and put my hair up I could do some real damage.”

Wendy gasped. “Bebe, it’s amazing! Heidi, how’re you doing?” Heidi didn’t hear, wearing headphones as she touched up on her costume, a pink jacket like Bebe’s but less tight. She had put a green flower emblem on the jacket. Wendy walked over and tapped her shoulder. “Huh? Oh, wanna see it? Bebe and I thought it’d be cool if we matched, but tight shit isn’t my thing. So I just got these leggings reinforced. I’ve been toying with ideas for your costume, but I think something with storage room is good, but with ways that you can move easily. I think some gadgets built into it would help, not much, just things to help you be more mobile.” 

Wendy hummed in thought. “Yeah! I’ll work on it, I think I get what you’re going for here.” Wendy started sketching. “Maybe something where it’s together in one thing, with some hidden compartments in the wrist and thighs. I’m thinking a color scheme of purples, pinks, and blacks.” Bebe leaned over. “Yeah yeah! What if we wire a visor set up to our computers so you can work with data on the move?” Heidi nodded. “And we’d need a movable, but durable material.” Wendy’s phone beeped. “Shit! It’s ten till midnight. We gotta go! Bebe no jeep, take your dad’s car.” Bebe nodded, grabbing their masks. “Let’s roll.”

Most of the guys had made it to Stark’s Pond by eleven fifty, all slightly on edge, but getting acquainted with each other. They all had worn their hoods, everyone just wanting to be careful. Finally, a car drove up, Lady Wifi, Rena Rouge, and Befana hopping out. “Hey guys. Thanks for comin’. Sorry for the wait. We got distracted with..superhero things.” Lady Wifi started. “Whatever, dude. Why are we here though?” Jetstream stated, everyone slowly getting comfy, knowing it was who the text said. 

“Well, you heard on the news the whole thing with one of the robbers having lightning powers. This is a criminal who has power and money, and several henchmen. They seemed to be able to get up to thirty in a day, and with enough money, they could easily get more than the three of us can handle.” Rena Rouge started. Befana cleared her throat. “The three of us have sworn not to kill anyone unless innocent lives are at stake, and we plan to uphold that. We couldn’t have stopped the bank robbery without you guys, and we won’t be able to apprehend any other without your help.” Mainframe looked at them. “I’m sure that’d be great, but we’d have to meet here at midnight every night. We wouldn’t have ways of communication.” Lady Wifi sighed. “Which is why we thought it would be best if we revealed our identities only to each other. It sounds risky, but I believe we all have the best interest of our town. I think this would make it easier for us to work together.” The trio sat down. The others muttered, coming to a collective agreement that it was probably for the best. 

Rena Rouge, Lady Wifi, and Befana looked at each other, slipping off their masks. “There.” Bebe said. “Who next?” Super Dude shrugged. “Babe, you wanna go with me?” Wonder Storm nodded softly, the two flipping off their hoods. Craig looked at everyone, wrapping an arm around Tweek. Tweek gave a small wave. “H-hey.” Toolshed sighed, flipping off his hood as well. Stan gave a small peace sign, sucking in a small breath. Captain Colossus took his hood down, running a hand through his messed up hair. “Th-Thup.” Jetstream tapped his fingers on the ground. He slipped the hood down, looking around at everyone awkwardly. “Okay, someone else go..”. Kyle muttered. Mysterion flipped his hood off, rubbing his tongue nervously where the small gap in his teeth was. “Sorry, Kyle..”. The redhead shrugged. “Don’t be sorry, I broke our promise too.” Mainframe pulled his hood down, giving a small smile. “Mosquito, you’re up..”. Token murmured. Mosquito whispered to the bug next to him. He then pulled down his hood. “By the way, this guy’s Jonathan, since he can’t talk.” Clyde pointed to his mosquito. “No one needs to know his name, Clyde.” Craig stated. Clyde turned to Jonathan. “You have permission to bite him now.”

Fastpass shrugged. “Guess I-I’m last.” Jimmy took off his hood, Clyde gaping. “Holy shit dude! Your legs!” Jimmy smiled. “Yeah, pretty s-si-siaaaaaaa-cool, right?” Wendy cleared her throat. “So, it’s good we all know each other. Makes things less awkward. But since we don’t have introductions, we gotta get to business. We need somewhere to do work where no one can hear or come up.” Bebe nodded. “I think we need a hidden base, but for now anywhere can work. Like my parents are never home, and I’m the only one with keys to the basement.” Scott nodded. “Thame. I’ve got the keyth to my bathement too. And Mom’th never home anywayth.” “A-and I have the keys to the, ngh, backroom at the c-coffee shop. My parents don’t have keys, so no one could get in.” Heidi nodded. “By the by, we’ve been working on some costumes, since the hoodies aren’t gonna work forever.” Bebe perked up. “Yeah! We set up a little place to work in my house, so if you guys want us to make some costumes for everyone, we’re free after school.”

Stan’s phone suddenly went off. “Damnit, Dad’s drunk texting.” Kyle bit the inside of his mouth. “You can stay with me tonight man. You still have those spare clothes there.” Stan sighed, putting his phone on do not disturb. “Thanks, dude.” Kyle shrugged. “No problem.” Wendy checked her phone. “It is kinda late. We’ll talk tomorrow. I’ll see ya guys. Bebe, can you drive me back to my place?” One by one, everyone left, with an uncomfortable tension still lurking in the air.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day at school, the three groups stuck together, all hanging out in a big clusterfuck. Still, Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi were talking to each other, Craig’s gang was talking to each other, and Stan’s gang was talking to each other. “Hey, you guys heard from Cartman?” Kenny looked at everyone. Stan shrugged. “I think he’s sick.” “Good riddance.” Heidi murmured. “Wendy, don’t you think this is overkill?” Token asked. “We can handle our own.” Wendy leaned over to look at him. “It’s not that, it’s the fact that we need to talk about this shit, and be alert in case anything happens. We all gotta get out inconspicuously.” Token shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“Hey fucker!” A voice yelled. Craig rolled his eyes and turned around to flip off the girl walking towards him. Tweek inhaled through his teeth, and Clyde made a small no gesture. Craig set his hand down after a second. “What’s up, Red?” His cousin walked up, running her lips over her piercing. “Hey, dude. Wanted to remind you The Bandits got a concert today at lunch! Can’t miss it!” Craig rolled his eyes while smirking. “You wouldn’t let me.” “You’re fuckin right I wouldn’t! Nichole’s covering that song you requested today! She sounds amazing!” 

Red took in her cousin’s companions. “Mccormick! New piercing?” Kenny nodded, showing off his new eyebrow piercing. “Jesus dude, I need to step up. Speaking of piercings..”. She turned back to Craig. “I went to give Ruby some of my old earrings, and you weren’t there. At twelve twenty am.” Craig sighed. “So? Why were you hanging out with Tricia at midnight?” Red sighed. “You know why. Rubes said she saw you and Tweek leaving. Hey Tweek.” She gave him a small wave. “Hey Red.” He returned the gesture. “We were at Clyde’s with everyone playing a game.” Red turned to Clyde. “Donovan. This true?” Clyde looked at the redhead. “Oh..”. He looked at the others for a split second. “Yeah, totally. I totally kicked Craig’s ass in it.” Red shrugged. “Whatever, I know where the spare mattress is.” She turned to the girls. “Wendy, Bebe, Heidi! It has been way too fuckin’ long since we hung out! You know, I’ve gotten a few requests for you guys to come back. Everyone loves bops from the 2000’s.” Wendy smiled. “We should go on sometime! Tell Nell, Millie, and Ann that if they ever wanna triple date we’re game!” 

Red smiled. “Sounds great! Nell and I have been dying to get out! Speaking of her, gotta go get some final practice in. See ya gays, I meant guys.” She had a shit eating smirk on her face. “Oh we’re the gay ones? You’re the biggest lesbian on earth.” Craig sighed. “Thanks for noticing. Rubes probably is too.” “Yeah, probably runs in the family. See ya at lunch.” Craig gave a half assed wave. “See ya guys there! We’re gonna kill it!” Red ran off to catch up with her bandmates, the three groups walking to their lockers.

“God, your cousin is so fuckin cool..”. Clyde muttered. Bebe snorted. “You got a worse chance with her than me.” Clyde shrugged. “Still gonna pay for her Saturday concert.” Kyle opened his locker. “She’s your friend, I’m sure you can get a discount. Wendy, you think the concert is a good place to talk about all of this?” Wendy thought it over. “I think no one will pay us attention when The Bandits are playing. They kinda steal the spotlight.”

“So lunch. Close enough to where we don’t look suspicious.” Token grabbed his books. “We thhould all have at leatht one or two people together in clatheth, right? If thomething happenth we could cauthe enough of a dithtraction to get out.” Scott offhandedly mentioned. Heidi perked up. “Wendy, babe. The watches.” Wendy nodded, running into an empty classroom, motioning everyone to follow. She pulled a small duffle bag out of her backpack. In the bag were several small boxes. “These are some modified smart watches. I hooked them all up to each other, and to the police stations. They’ll beep three times and go red if there’s a crime we gotta stop. Whoever responds to the watch first, you gotta handle the distraction. Just tap it to respond.” She handed out the boxes. “Do not fuckin’ lose these.” Wendy quickly shoved the watch on her wrist, stuffing the duffel bag into her backpack. “Class starts soon. See ya guys at lunch!” Bebe gave a small wave, linking her arms with her girlfriends and walking out. “Ken, we got class.” Kenny nodded at Stan, elbowing Kyle to follow. Scott waved himself off. “I’ll thee ya in class Jimmy!” Craig’s gang looked around at each other before slowly going their separate ways.

“Babe, how long did programming those watches take? You could’ve texted us.” Bebe asked. “An hour, I’d say. But, it’s worth it. I didn’t lose much sleep.” Wendy responded, slipping her purple watch on. “Okay, dear. But just make sure you get rest. You’re Wendy first, Lady Wifi second.” Heidi said softly. Lola looked from her locker. “You guys heard about the superheroes? Those girls were so cool!” “But Jetstream totally kicked ass from what I heard!” Monica squealed. Sally smiled. “I was there when it happened! I totally saw Mysterion look at me! He’s so cool!” She gushed. “What about you guys?” Lola asked. “You saw it right?” The girls nodded. “Um, well I really like the three masked ones! They seem prepared!” Wendy said, Bebe and Heidi nodding in reply. “I heard Rena Rouge and Befana have guns! You think they don’t have powers?” Lizzy dropped in. “You guys think anyone at our school could be the heroes? I mean, they looked pretty young.” Monica half whispered. “Well, Mosquito totally had brown hair, and I think Wonder Storm has blue eyes, or green eyes. I couldn’t tell. There were too many people.”

The bell rang out, interrupting the conversation. “Thank god..”. Bebe muttered. “Aw. Well, we’ll be on the lookout for superheroes. Tell us if you see anything.” Lola smiled, walking off. Heidi sighed. “Jesus..”. “Just be secure about it. We can do this.” Wendy sighed. “Let’s get to class.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Now, I’m sure you’re all wondering why you’re in my basement at two thirty am.” Bebe announced to the tired group. “No shit.” Craig responded. “Well, it’s because we finished everyone’s costumes!” Heidi announced. “All the material is super durable. It was hard as fuck to cut.” Wendy sighed. “Suuper hard.” Bebe replied in the same exasperated tone. “Harder than Clyde’s dick after seeing Bebe in a crop top.” “THROW ME UNDER THE BUS, WHY DON’T YA WENDY?” Clyde whisper yelled. “Anyways. These are pretty simple, but I think they’ll help. Go get changed wherever. We have hero work to do.” Wendy announced, leading her girlfriends up to Bebe’s room. Ten minutes later, the gang was assembled in Bebe’s basement. “Wow! This looks great, girls! I’m gonna be a chick magnet in this!” Mosquito buzzed, flying around the room in excitement. “No one’s gonna wanna date a guy who talks to bugs.” Toolshed called over his shoulder. “Bzzt, don’t listen to him Jonathan. You’re great.” Rena Rouge sighed. “C’mon superdicks! We got work to do!” “And what is this work?” Mainframe stopped playing around with the blue cubes he made, turning to the three girls.

“Well, we need somewhere at school to store this shit. Somewhere no one can get to if they don’t know what they’re looking for. While a few of us need to go on patrol to check for crime. We’re superheroes, y’know. We gotta stop crime.” Befana stood up. “Who wants to go patrol? We only need two or three people out.” Super Dude shrugged. “I’ll go. Babe you wanna join?” “Yeah, I’ll go. Beats going to school.”  
“Great. The gays can patrol and we’ll go work on our bunker.” Lady Wifi smiled. “Let’s go!” “Oh, yeah. We’re the gays while you have two girlfriends.” Super Dude grumbled. The group snuck out of Bebe’s basement door, going off in seperate directions. Wonder Storm and Super Dude walked into town, hopping up onto a roof and watching the town. “This is nice, dear.” Wonder Storm smiled. “If it wasn’t -gh- three am it would be nicer, but we can’t have it all.” Super Dude nodded. “I might actually need some coffee today. You think we can’t feel shit in these costumes?” “I don’t know.” Wonder Storm leaned onto his boyfriend, yawning. “Let’s find out.” Super Dude tickled his smaller boyfriend, Wonder Storm laughing. “Stop stop stop! I can still feel it!” He kept laughing, little sparks flying from him.

“Dear lord, babe. That’s the cutest thing I’ll ever see.” The two laughed, kissing softly. They got interrupted as a siren rang out from a few buildings away. “Is that the-ngh-bank?” Wonder Storm stood up. “Think so. Let’s go do hero shit.” Super Dude hopped down, Wonder Storm following. They saw two robbers in dark clothing running out with burlap sacks stuffed with what they assumed was money. “Dear, push them down. I’ll get them frozen to a surface so we can get that money.” Wonder Storm said. A small crowd had gathered near the commotion, Super Dude running into the middle of it.

He quickly flipped off the criminals, letting them bash against the wall. Wonder Storm quickly blew out an ice trap, freezing their legs to the wall. The crowd cheered as the two grabbed the money. “Alright dickbags, why the hell did you rob this place?” Super Dude asked. “W-We were gonna get a good cut out of it! That’s what Chaos said!” One said. “Chaos? Who’s that?” Wonder Storm asked. “Professor Chaos. He said if we got the money we’d get a good share of it! We just needed some money!” The other yelled. “Well congrats. Now you’re going to jail.” Super Dude and Wonder Storm started walking off, being stopped by a reporter. “Super Dude! Wonder Storm! What were you doing out at this time? When did you get the new costumes? Where are the other superheroes?!” Wonder Storm held out his hands. “Jesus, calm down man! Well, we were patrolling, doing..hero stuff. Rena Rouge and Befana made the costumes, along with costumes, for the others. And the others are doing..hero stuff.” “Any words for the town of South Park, or anyone watching?” “Yeah, whoever Professor Chaos is, stop getting people to steal shit for you, or you’ll have to deal with us. Let’s go babe.” Super Dude muttered, Wonder Storm taking them off in an icy blur. 

Meanwhile at the school, the group squatted at a small crevice underneath the bleachers. “It could definitely work.” Fastpass started. “But how the h-h-hell are we gonna get something in there?” “Toolshed, you think you could drill something in there so we could make our base?” Lady Wifi asked. “Got it!” He quickly drilled a large hole into the ground. “WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD?!” Mosquito yelled. “A warning would’ve been nice! Jesus, you scared Jonathan.” Jetstream sighed. “No one cares about your goddamn pet mosquito, man.” Mosquito buzzed angrily. “You can bite him too Jonathan.” 

Rena Rouge rolled her eyes. “Mainframe, we need a ladder and some lights. You got that?” Mainframe nodded, quickly creating a ladder and some headlights. “Thanks, boo.” Rena called out, hopping down. “Good size..okay. This works. We just need some permanent lights and a coded door. Babe, you can do the coding shit. I’ll arrange everything so we know where it’s at?” She hummed in satisfaction. “Babe?” Befana tapped Lady Wifi’s shoulder. “Darling? What’s up?” Lady Wifi sighed, turning her visor off. “Another robbery. They answer to someone. Someone’s up to something and we have no idea who it is?” Mysterion looked around. “Any leads?” “They have a name. Professor Chaos.”

**Author's Note:**

> yoooooo first sp fic. im making an ask blog to go with this. leave kudos or comments im desperate for approval


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